I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
