He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
