i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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