I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
