I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize