I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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