he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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