She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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