i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
