Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
