I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
