But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
