There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Boobs speak an international language.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
