From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ladies don't puke and tell
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
