So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
