Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize