Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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