There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
