I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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