You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
