I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
