allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
