i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
