I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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