It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
