then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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