haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
