Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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