I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize