i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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