The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
