quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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