Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
