The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
How's work?
Spinning.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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