you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
