the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
