when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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