So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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