Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
splinters make it hard to masturbate
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Randomize
