I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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