my mouth tastes like poor choices
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
