9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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