Too much gin, very little bucket
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am available for nakedness
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
