Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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