I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
