What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
