Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
