so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
