Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
