In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
