Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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