Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
