Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
