My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize