SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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