I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
