just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
