Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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