You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
