I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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