So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
