dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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