he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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