How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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