broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
