i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
