About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
