i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We got so high we made milksteak
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize