I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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