I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
