Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
