Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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