Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
