Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize