Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
