everyone is single if you try hard enough
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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