ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
